Why Do I Feel this Way?

Perhaps I underestimated the challenges of being a "stay-at-home Mom." I thought I grasped intellectually the difficulties of interacting only with small children, creating a hunger and desire for adult conversation. The constant questions and requests of a 3 year old and 6 year old, with an occasional comment or observation from a 12 year old, - this is not the conversational fare I have become accustomed to!

Let me 'splain. No, there's no time to 'splain, let me summup: My wife and teenage daughters are gone for 11 days to the East Coast. I am very happy for them, but I miss them! I call it "holding down the fort," but sometimes it feels like I'm "holding up the walls!"

Even after attending a wedding and reception yesterday and church this morning, I still felt something missing, I needed to be drawn out of my immediate circumstances and look at the deeper significance of life and existence.

This evening I had a very nice time when we just showed up at the house of some friends who have six kids. It was 6 p.m. and as I thought of the two plus hours till bedtime I wasn't sure what we would do there at home. As soon as I suggested visiting friends the boys were out to the car. I soon joined them and we drove off not really knowing where we were headed.

Our friends were just returning from the city pool and welcomed us for dinner. we have often had them over on Sunday evenings so it's not quite as strange as it sounds. I had visited their Sunday School class this morning so we had some interesting questions all ready to be discussed. After considering Peter's declaration that "God has given us everything we need for life & godliness," I asked, "What if the promises in Scripture don't seem to be working for me?" I prefaced this with "This is the kind of question that no one asks out loud in church."

We also wondered together, "shouldn't people respond with a little more emotion when someone who is dying of cancer shares a prayer request about a fast-growing tumor?" And "what does it mean that we are in a spiritual battle? How does it feel to be a warrior? - tired, wounded, dazed and confused at times?"

I left feeling encouraged: Someone knows what I'm going through. I believe the feeling was mutual. The kids had a great time and since it was time for bed they went more willingly, maybe a bit more ready for sleep. I was also reminded that what we are involved with - raising children in a godly home - is an important and valuable work worth the effort.

And it just might be that one reason I don't always feel affirmed in my efforts, is that the Enemy would like to distract me into believing that other things are more important - things that may not be getting done while I hold my young son and read him a bedtime story.

I appreciate very much the work that my wife is involved with on a daily basis. And the way my daughters pitch in to lighten the load. But I especially value the sustaining vision that what we do here each day matters, for this life and the next.