Books I am Reading

One of the cutting edge books on "new movements within the American church" is "Why we're not emergent" - it is helpful in sorting out some of the new trends in "seeker sensitive' and attempts to reach PostModerns (without becoming PM) A student I meet with grew up in Calvary Baptist (his parents are still active) and he went through Christian school. He is now an agnostic who sees no need for God or Religion. He has been influenced by Ayn Rand & "Objectivist Philosophy" I had read an essay by her called "The Virtue of Selfishness" (says it all - doesn't it? She strongly argues laissez-faire Capitalism) but she is better known for her novels - Atlas Shrugged and the Fountainhead. Since I know two others who are Objectivist Randians - including a Cave guy (a.k.a. "hair Mike") and my best friend since Junior High (Bret is an Obama-lovin' Democrat and Captain in the Army J.A.G.) thought it was time for me to slug through one of these 700+ page novels. I am almost halfway into the Fountainhead (which identifies the human ego as the "source" of motivation and progress) getting to know protagonist Howard Rourke, architectural genius who got kicked out of Tech school for always wanting to do things "his way" and was never willing to bow to social convention. It is thought-provoking. I also recently read "Irresistable Revolution" by Shane Claiborne - also thought-provoking and much more edifying - challenging and convicting even. So there you have it - a couple of book reviews, sort of.

Lost in Blogland

How could it have been so long since my last entry?

In the words of Inigo, "There's no time to 'splain, let me sum up."

It would be impossible to describe the events of the last six months and their impact.

Suffice it to say, when you thought it couldn't get any worse - you didn't realize how good you had it.

A word that keeps coming to mind is "overwhelmed."

"I know you can be 'overwhelmed' and I think you can be 'underwhelmed' but do you think you can ever be just 'whelmed?' - What movie is that from?

I had a chance over Christmas break to meet with an English prof. - a friend who teaches and also writes.  I got some direction for doing the difficult work of re-writing some chapters and organizing my "raw material" for the book I must someday get published.  It's about "Conversations with Students" but so much more.  Like how to get past the smokescreens to find out what people's REAL questions and issues are.  You know, because "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."  So a possible title would be "Tread lightly the Path to a Beating Heart."

I still marvel at my ability to see God at work and then in the next minute or two wonder where He went and if I'm gonna be okay.

The guy who said "We have nothing to fear but fear itself" may have thought he was offering comfort and encouragement, but I have a feeling he didn't struggle much with fear, Real or imagined.

Haddon, age 4, asked me one morning if he could wear an outfit he saw hanging in his closet.

"No," I said, "Those are Sunday clothes."

"Well," he asked, "what day is it?"

"Wednesday, " I told him.

"Okay," he said, "then get me some Wednesday clothes!"

There are an awful lot of "urgent" things I seem to need to do right away.

But when I choose to do the "important" things like spending time with my kids or leading a Bible study or meeting with students for discipleship or sharing the Gospel, I have more peace and don't feel so frantic.

The Enemy wants to distract me and have me worry about plans and preparations, or my lack thereof.  But as my friend Leo says, "You did this on purpose!"

"What?"  I ask him.

"You left it unplanned so that God would step in and do something."

"Honestly, I'm not that purposeful, and I don't have that much faith.  It just always seems to happen that way when i do what comes naturally."

We are enjoying hearing from our daughter in Europe, her e-mails and friends' pics on Facebook.  She almost didn't get there because two passes were closed the day we needed to take her to the airport and the third pass closed while we were enroute to it (mudslides).

But God made a way on a flight out of Yakima that was overbooked (they found a bigger plane)

And none too soon - 10:30 for an 11 a.m. flight that didn't leave till after noon but got her to SEATAC in plenty of time for her 2:40 flight to Frankfurt.

So far we've gotten the reports from Berlin and Prague - cold weather but having the time of her life with great companions.

Perhaps getting "back on the bloglist."  won't be that hard now that I've broken the ice.

Notice the new family photo - yep eight kids - count'em.

Until next time.  

Leaving blogland

Matt

Hope for the Darkest Night

It's my last chance to post something in July. In less than half an hour I will have missed it. I've been staying up reading a few "Batman" reviews - I went to see it yesterday with four of my older children. It left my head spinning - just like the realities of life in a confusing world. But there is meaning and purpose and right and wrong and choosing to oppose evil is worth it. But we should expect a fight and the solutions are not simple or quick and easy. There is a need for endurance and modern lifestyles have not prepared us for this. With all of the conveniences and assistance offered by technology, these tools are used on both sides and the real need is for character and integrity. One reviewer made reference to the "Dark Night of the Soul" when commenting on "The Dark Knight." It is true that the darkest hour is just before dawn.

Tomorrow is the start of a brand new day. Tomorrow is another chance to find my way.

Tomorrow I can do or decide or be. Tomorrow is potential and possibility.

Hey now I can do this I can really be free. Something new is coming you just watch and see.

In a few more hours there’s a hope light gleaming. When I sleep and wake I’ll find I’ve just been dreaming.

Tomorrow’s not a Monday or a Friday or even, a day of resurrection like the Sunday of believin’.

In my desperation I have found the sun. Faith and hope and breakthrough after all is said and done.

Spirit gave the answer and Love has shown the way. In the final wakeup there’s a brand new day.

Why Do I Feel this Way?

Perhaps I underestimated the challenges of being a "stay-at-home Mom." I thought I grasped intellectually the difficulties of interacting only with small children, creating a hunger and desire for adult conversation. The constant questions and requests of a 3 year old and 6 year old, with an occasional comment or observation from a 12 year old, - this is not the conversational fare I have become accustomed to!

Let me 'splain. No, there's no time to 'splain, let me summup: My wife and teenage daughters are gone for 11 days to the East Coast. I am very happy for them, but I miss them! I call it "holding down the fort," but sometimes it feels like I'm "holding up the walls!"

Even after attending a wedding and reception yesterday and church this morning, I still felt something missing, I needed to be drawn out of my immediate circumstances and look at the deeper significance of life and existence.

This evening I had a very nice time when we just showed up at the house of some friends who have six kids. It was 6 p.m. and as I thought of the two plus hours till bedtime I wasn't sure what we would do there at home. As soon as I suggested visiting friends the boys were out to the car. I soon joined them and we drove off not really knowing where we were headed.

Our friends were just returning from the city pool and welcomed us for dinner. we have often had them over on Sunday evenings so it's not quite as strange as it sounds. I had visited their Sunday School class this morning so we had some interesting questions all ready to be discussed. After considering Peter's declaration that "God has given us everything we need for life & godliness," I asked, "What if the promises in Scripture don't seem to be working for me?" I prefaced this with "This is the kind of question that no one asks out loud in church."

We also wondered together, "shouldn't people respond with a little more emotion when someone who is dying of cancer shares a prayer request about a fast-growing tumor?" And "what does it mean that we are in a spiritual battle? How does it feel to be a warrior? - tired, wounded, dazed and confused at times?"

I left feeling encouraged: Someone knows what I'm going through. I believe the feeling was mutual. The kids had a great time and since it was time for bed they went more willingly, maybe a bit more ready for sleep. I was also reminded that what we are involved with - raising children in a godly home - is an important and valuable work worth the effort.

And it just might be that one reason I don't always feel affirmed in my efforts, is that the Enemy would like to distract me into believing that other things are more important - things that may not be getting done while I hold my young son and read him a bedtime story.

I appreciate very much the work that my wife is involved with on a daily basis. And the way my daughters pitch in to lighten the load. But I especially value the sustaining vision that what we do here each day matters, for this life and the next.

Thoughts on Starting the Day

Waking up is an adventure.

Sometimes it feels like jumping out of an airplane.

I’m not ready. I don’t have my parachute on. I don’t think it’s even packed yet.

My thoughts begin racing before my body is getting out of bed.

What do I need to do today? When do I really need to get started?

Another part of me says: It’s nice and warm here under the covers.

I could just stay here and pray awhile: Dear Lord, help me as I start this day!

You’re going to need to get out of bed.

What’s that? I think I’ll just lay here and pray a little longer.

Okay, strap on that chute, open the hatch.

Man, it’s windy out there! Kinda cold too.

I’m jumping, I’m falling, where’s the ripcord?

I knew there’d be days like this. I just never thought there’d be so many.

All in a row. One after another.

How far will True Love Go?

Yesterday I drove my wife Susi across the mountains to the Seattle airport. She spent about twenty hours traveling and is now visiting our daughter in Seoul, So. Korea!
I have been a bit anxious for her and for myself, wondering how she will handle this great "adventure" and also concerned for myself "holding down the fort."
I must say that this is yet another way God is developing my faith and confidence in Him.
As we enjoyed a final embrace and several "last kisses" along the line to her security checkpoint, I enjoyed the assurance that what we have in our relationship cannot be diminished by the miles between us or unsettled by the events of the coming week. When she reached the point beyond which I could not follow I entrusted her to the loving care of the God we serve. I believe she had to do the same with me and the children left at home.
How like our Good Shepherd to leave the Ninety nine (actually there are only eight of us) and to seek out the one lost sheep (of course Amanda is not really lost, we just miss her and she misses us) halfway around the world. Amanda has commented that Love is inconvenient, and I believe that sometimes the distance we will goes speaks volumes about the depth of our love.
Her senior year we drove to a piano recital in Salem, OR (almost five hours away). When she first invited us, I must admit I thought "That's crazy!" And I'm not sure how serious she was about having us come. (Though she did say that we hadn't missed one of her recitals yet and that we shouldn't start now.) But Susi's "mother-love" saw no distance at all. Only an opportunity to affirm her daughter's accomplishments (an original composition).
Looking back, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. We had a wonderful time, some friends joined us there and then we all went out to dinner.
And now that she's in Seoul, the distance to Salem seems like a drive around the block. I haven't heard yet how Susi did on the long flight, but knowing the Mom she is and how she has "borne" other difficulties, I'm sure all was overshadowed by the joy of the Mother-Daughter reunion!
Amanda is halfway through her one year commitment to teach English to elementary students. I know that this visit from Mom will leave a huge mark on her time there and that she will enjoy sharing her experience and what she has learned. I hope also that she will be greatly encouraged by her parents' love for her.

Crossing the Border and Living on the Edge

Last night we got back from Mexico and a few extra days in CAli. It's tempting in a journal or letter or even my diary to report the mundane facts and details - this temptation pervades our lives as we look out each day through eyes that either focus on the material world of appearances or perceive with the eyes of faith the inner life.
I can't say I always fix my eyes on the Reality behind appearances . . . but lately Susi and I have been reminding each other: "It's not about the __________ (fill in the blank with whatever distracting circumstance presents itself in the natural.)
Fran (Schaeffer) says that Christians are living in two worlds and serve as signs in the natural to point to the supernatural. I wanna do that. I'd like to get beyond reporting facts:
26 people in 5 vans traveled 2500 miles round trip to build a 22' x 22' house for a family of 6 who live on $70 a week.
We slept in five churches on the way down and back and camped in 8 tents near Rosarito Beach while commuting about 10 miles each way to our worksite each day.
We spent about $15,000 - most of which was donated to us.
More significantly - there were middle schoolers, middle aged, high school and college, all working together to share gifts, abilities, talents and energy.
But what was really BUILT - not just a house (Psalm 127:1)
We built relationships, we built character, we built trust and faith.
What did I "see" & how did I feel about this trip?
Servants of Christ and Warriors of the Cross laid down parts of their lives, faced their fears, made friends and comrades out of strangers and thrived and were successful as they sojourned in a land not their own.
I was nervous about leading and being responsible for so many people. God led us and proved that He is quite capable of taking all the responsibility from off my shoulders. A woman (Maria Antoinette Rojo Rodriguez) who probably doesn't have enough to buy groceries for her own children fed hot lunch to 26 people 3 days in a row.
Truth was encountered, Lives were changed, God was there.
Some things just can't be the same now. We may have come back, but in some ways there is no going back, only moving ahead.
Down south there is a different climate, a different culture, a different pace. I try to bring a little bit back with me.
Peace,
Matt