Waking Up my Mind

re. Comparing Rob Bell and C.S. Lewis

2011-03-31T03:44:00.000-07:00

The following is a comment I left on "Jesus Creed"
http://www.patheos.com/community/jesuscreed/2011/03/23/rob-bell-and-c-s-lewis-by-jeff-cook/comment-page-4/#comment-132236

In my Master’s Thesis at Denver Seminary (1985) “The Apologetic of C.S. Lewis as an Art and a Science” I discussed 3 well-documented influences on Lewis: Rationalism, Romanticism, and Nostalgia for the Medieval Worldview. Of these, Rob Bell seems to share only the tendency towards Romanticism. Lewis prophetically spoke against the Modernism of his day as well as anticipating the dangers of Post-modernism. His clear commitment to Platonism and Realism in Ontology and Language respectively identified him as a pre-modern and, by his own admission, a “dinosaur.” To compare him with Rob Bell is Apples and Oranges. It is not doctrinal correctness that commends CSL to Evangelicals, but his clarity and succintcness in communicating the orthodox “faith once delivered to all the saints.” He takes no issue with the Apostle’s Creed and believes that words really mean something. He believes that signs can be accurately read and that symbols “participate in the reality of the things symbolized.” Rob Bell resonates with Post-Moderns by speaking their language. The real question is whether this language and the cultural worldview it has emerged from are capable of comprehending and incarnating the Truth of the “Word made Flesh” or whether PM requires rescue and transformation in order to “come to the knowledge of the Truth.”

A Way of Seeing

2011-03-15T00:00:00.001-07:00

One of the really fun things I get to do on my job is hanging out with non-Christians. I don’t know whether to call them unbelievers or “the lost,” or pagans or what. Truth is, any of these labels says too much without really saying enough. Okay, the fact that they don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus is really important. But defining them by what they don’t have is probably a bad way to start off, since it may conceal or obscure some of the good things they have to offer.

Anyway, I do like spending time with people who believe differently. I find them refreshing in their perspectives and often capable of raising questions or making observations that wouldn’t usually come up among our Christian sub-culture. Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of Christians who are still able to “think outside the box.” But it comes with maturity and requires feeling secure in your faith and so these people seem to be the exception.

Mike T. was a most interesting guy I got to know about ten years ago. He was a “local boy,” whose father was high up in the University Administration. Like many kids from E’burg whose parents work in higher education, Mike was a high achiever with a passion for his studies. He had chosen a major in Anthropology and was definitely a student of culture.

“So what is it you do?” he asked after our second or third meeting.
“I’m the director of a Christian student organization.”
“Does that make you a pastor?”
“Well that’s what the job often involves, but recently I’ve been considering myself in the role of prophet.”

At the time I was very much taken with the New Testament office of prophet. The churches I grew up in didn’t do much with prophecy, but I had just met a man who exemplified the gift and the office like no one I had ever met.

“Doesn’t a prophet tell the future?”
“That’s the thing that we tend to emphasize, but among the prophets in the Bible we find that their message was more about forth-telling than fore-telling.”
“So what does forth-telling involve?” ”That’s basically reminding people about the truth of God’s moral law and the inescapable consequences of breaking it.”
“I suppose there is some continuity then between telling people how God’s laws work and warning them of future events.”

This is where I was impressed by Mike’s training as an anthropologist and his ability to apply it. He had learned to think in terms of “world-views” as he examined various cultures, their belief systems, and the social norms they had developed.

“I hadn’t considered that before. But it is interesting that in the Old Testament scriptures a prophet was also called a ‘seer.’ In every culture there are those who see things that others don’t see. George MacDonald called it the gift of ‘second sight.’”

“It’s the same with the scientific world-view.” Mike explained, “Those who understand the laws of physics or chemistry seem to predict the future. By understanding cause and effect they are able to anticipate consequences with great accuracy.”

“That’s profound!” I told him. “You’ve just drawn a parallel between the material world and the spiritual realm, and I’m not sure you even believe in the supernatural!”

“I don’t know if I believe it either.” He admitted, “But I’ve learned to examine belief systems as a whole to see how they fit together. That’s what I like about talking to you. You seem to have thought through the implications of your beliefs, rather than just picking and choosing ideas that may not be compatible.”

“My training in Philosophy of Religion also emphasized belief systems or world-views. I was taught to look for three things:
1) Consistency: avoiding contradictions.
2) Coherence: each part fitting the whole.
3) Explanatory power: how it answers our questions about the world.”

“If the things we have talked about are real, it would make sense for them to function according to laws or patterns, and this would allow someone who sees patterns to make accurate predictions.”

“I think that’s what I’m seeing in my work with students. I observe young people either applying or disregarding God’s truth and I see what happens as a result. The longer I’m in campus ministry the more examples I have of the consequences of moral choices. After awhile I feel confident in saying, ‘If you keep doing that, here’s where you’ll end up.’ Only it’s not always visible and tangible things that I observe.”

“What do you observe that’s not visible or tangible?”

“Paul says in Second Corinthians: ‘We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.’ There is a special ability that God gives for seeing with the ‘eyes of our heart.’ This gift is also called discernment. By seeing in this way we sense with our spirit the spiritual condition of another person.”

“That sounds like what some have called ‘Extra-sensory perception’ or a ‘sixth sense.’”

“It seems appropriate to use the term ‘sense’ because our senses collect data or give us information. But in the case of discernment or prophecy, the information is coming from beyond the material world and its phenomena. It’s like ‘revelation’ because it gives access to something we would not have been able to discover on our own.”

“Revelation sounds like it’s something ‘revealed.’ So who’s the one revealing these things?”

“That’s right, the Bible is revelation because it is God’s revealed truth to us. In the case of prophecy and discernment God the Holy Spirit is the One who reveals. Paul says that when someone is prophesying and a visitor comes in the secrets of his heart are laid bare!”

Mike also helped me understand the process of conversion. It seems it has been the subject of a book exploring how change could be possible at the very core of our being.

“Have you ever heard of ‘Meta-Programming’?” he asked me one day.

“No, I don’t think I have.”

“This book talks about the difference between changing the input in our lives and thinking, as opposed to changing the way we actually process things.”

“You mean like trying to change the software in our brain?”

“Kind of like that. We have thought processes in place that actually limit the range of outcomes. There are only certain kinds of changes we can make within these limits. But if we are able to examine and restructure our way of thinking . . .”

“There must be something to that.” I said, “It reminds me of a verse telling us not to be conformed to the world, but to ‘be transformed by the renewing of your mind.’”

I can’t remember where it went from there, but it got real deep real fast. I think there were some thoughtful pauses and long periods of silence as we each attempted to think about how we think. I do remember a certain excitement as I thought about breaking free from limiting habits and failed attempts to change.

And I remember looking forward to talks with Mike. He asked good questions and offered insightful observations. I always learned something.

I love my job, hanging out with those who are learning, studying, and thinking. I enjoy sharing with them about my relationship with God and what I’ve learned from His Word. I’m glad I don’t have to convert people, that’s His job!

What do you value more than God?

2011-03-14T23:56:00.000-07:00

Last Friday at the "Cave" discussion we had several of our NYC (not yet Christian) friends asking really good questions.
It started with a discussion of Hell, what that was like and why a loving God would sentence anyone to eternal torment.

"You don't hear much about Fire & Brimstone anymore. Is that really in the Bible?"
"Yes, actually it is, however unpopular. Jesus himself talks about it."
"So what's the point of punishing people just because they don't believe?"
"The core issue is really a question of ownership. If a Transcendent Supreme Being actually made us and the world we live in, we have some responsibilities to Him."
"Like What? Are you saying we owe Him something?"
"The truth is, as much as we'd like to think we are self-sufficient and independent, that's really just an illusion."
"How is that? What do you mean I'm not independent?"
"Food, water, the air we breathe and the fact that our bodies are alive are all a gift from God. He wants us to acknowledge that and give thanks."
"Why should I even believe in a Creator I can't see, much less be grateful to Him?"
"That seems like a fair question, but the Bible tells us that we have been given enough evidence to believe: in the world around us and in our conscience.
It says He hasn't left us without a testimony."
"So that's the big deal? He just wants me to admit He's there and He made the world?"
"Well, there's a bit more to it than that. You see the root of sin is a failure to give God the glory He deserves."
"So how do we do that?"
"It comes down to what we call worship. We all choose to worship something other than God."
"What do you mean by worship. I don't really worship anything!"
"Worship is a statement of what's valuable to us. And it's usually revealed by what we invest time in. It could be video games or sports or even school."
"You mean things that I devote myself to?"
"Exactly! Devotion is a way of affirming value, of saying what is most important to us. When we value anything more than God, we're failing in what He made us for.
He deserves our complete devotion and He made us to worship Him."
"Well I'm grateful for all the good things I enjoy. Why do I need to bring God into it?"
"It's back to the idea of independence. When we don't worship God we're actually in rebellion, because we don't acknowledge that it all belongs to Him."
"And if I'm in rebellion, He's going to send me to Hell?"
"Think of it this way - All the good things you now enjoy are from God. If you insist on denying or rejecting the Giver, you will one day be cut off from all of His Gifts. That will be Hell!"

"I value money - so what's wrong with that?"
"Every monetary system is an arbitrary method of providing tokens which we can exchange. It's not actually the money you value."
"I like what I can buy with it: Food, Beer, entertainment, gas for the car, paying rent."
"Sure, it's a means of exchange. We value what we can buy because of the lifestyle they allow. And because it makes us feel independent."
"So what about 'HEAVENBUCKS'?"
"Huh? you mean like God's currency?"
"Yeah, how can I get some HEAVENBUCKS?"
"Well, the bad news is that none of us will ever earn enough to buy our way into Heaven. We're morally bankrupt and our accounts are overdrawn. Those checks you've been writing for good works won't cash!"
"So what;'s the good news?"
"The good news is that because of Jesus perfect life and death on the cross, God will forgive your rebellion, cancel your debt, and even put funds in your account so you can start giving Him the glory He deserves!"

There was a bit more explaining to do after that. No one fell to their knees in repentance on the spot. But there were 4 guys and one young lady (NYC's) paying close attention to the discussion.
Join us in praying for their response to the Good News.

Matt Lundquist - Campus Ambassadors - Central Washington University - Ellensburg

Life as we know it

2009-05-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

I am learning a lot and it is hard. Either you die to self and let Christ live and love through you or don't even bother. Doing it in your own strength just isn't an option. I don't know why I try. I'm sure it's not supposed to be this hard - must be because the old man is still alive and I live by sight rather than faith, I walk in the flesh rather than the Spirit. God help me - every morning I want to wake with this request in mind: "Not my will but thine be done." Letting go? Yes, and believing that whatever it was I was holding onto just wasn't worth having anyway.

Books I am Reading

2009-02-01T23:15:00.000-08:00

One of the cutting edge books on "new movements within the American church" is "Why we're not emergent" - it is helpful in sorting out some of the new trends in "seeker sensitive' and attempts to reach PostModerns (without becoming PM) A student I meet with grew up in Calvary Baptist (his parents are still active) and he went through Christian school. He is now an agnostic who sees no need for God or Religion. He has been influenced by Ayn Rand & "Objectivist Philosophy" I had read an essay by her called "The Virtue of Selfishness" (says it all - doesn't it? She strongly argues laissez-faire Capitalism) but she is better known for her novels - Atlas Shrugged and the Fountainhead. Since I know two others who are Objectivist Randians - including a Cave guy (a.k.a. "hair Mike") and my best friend since Junior High (Bret is an Obama-lovin' Democrat and Captain in the Army J.A.G.) thought it was time for me to slug through one of these 700+ page novels. I am almost halfway into the Fountainhead (which identifies the human ego as the "source" of motivation and progress) getting to know protagonist Howard Rourke, architectural genius who got kicked out of Tech school for always wanting to do things "his way" and was never willing to bow to social convention. It is thought-provoking. I also recently read "Irresistable Revolution" by Shane Claiborne - also thought-provoking and much more edifying - challenging and convicting even. So there you have it - a couple of book reviews, sort of.

Lost in Blogland

2009-01-13T00:11:00.000-08:00

How could it have been so long since my last entry?

In the words of Inigo, "There's no time to 'splain, let me sum up."

It would be impossible to describe the events of the last six months and their impact.

Suffice it to say, when you thought it couldn't get any worse - you didn't realize how good you had it.

A word that keeps coming to mind is "overwhelmed."

"I know you can be 'overwhelmed' and I think you can be 'underwhelmed' but do you think you can ever be just 'whelmed?' - What movie is that from?

I had a chance over Christmas break to meet with an English prof. - a friend who teaches and also writes. I got some direction for doing the difficult work of re-writing some chapters and organizing my "raw material" for the book I must someday get published. It's about "Conversations with Students" but so much more. Like how to get past the smokescreens to find out what people's REAL questions and issues are. You know, because "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." So a possible title would be "Tread lightly the Path to a Beating Heart."

I still marvel at my ability to see God at work and then in the next minute or two wonder where He went and if I'm gonna be okay.

The guy who said "We have nothing to fear but fear itself" may have thought he was offering comfort and encouragement, but I have a feeling he didn't struggle much with fear, Real or imagined.

Haddon, age 4, asked me one morning if he could wear an outfit he saw hanging in his closet.

"No," I said, "Those are Sunday clothes."

"Well," he asked, "what day is it?"

"Wednesday, " I told him.

"Okay," he said, "then get me some Wednesday clothes!"

There are an awful lot of "urgent" things I seem to need to do right away.

But when I choose to do the "important" things like spending time with my kids or leading a Bible study or meeting with students for discipleship or sharing the Gospel, I have more peace and don't feel so frantic.

The Enemy wants to distract me and have me worry about plans and preparations, or my lack thereof. But as my friend Leo says, "You did this on purpose!"

"What?" I ask him.

"You left it unplanned so that God would step in and do something."

"Honestly, I'm not that purposeful, and I don't have that much faith. It just always seems to happen that way when i do what comes naturally."

We are enjoying hearing from our daughter in Europe, her e-mails and friends' pics on Facebook. She almost didn't get there because two passes were closed the day we needed to take her to the airport and the third pass closed while we were enroute to it (mudslides).

But God made a way on a flight out of Yakima that was overbooked (they found a bigger plane)

And none too soon - 10:30 for an 11 a.m. flight that didn't leave till after noon but got her to SEATAC in plenty of time for her 2:40 flight to Frankfurt.

So far we've gotten the reports from Berlin and Prague - cold weather but having the time of her life with great companions.

Perhaps getting "back on the bloglist." won't be that hard now that I've broken the ice.

Notice the new family photo - yep eight kids - count'em.

Until next time.

Leaving blogland

Matt

Hope for the Darkest Night

2008-07-31T23:31:00.000-07:00

It's my last chance to post something in July. In less than half an hour I will have missed it. I've been staying up reading a few "Batman" reviews - I went to see it yesterday with four of my older children. It left my head spinning - just like the realities of life in a confusing world. But there is meaning and purpose and right and wrong and choosing to oppose evil is worth it. But we should expect a fight and the solutions are not simple or quick and easy. There is a need for endurance and modern lifestyles have not prepared us for this. With all of the conveniences and assistance offered by technology, these tools are used on both sides and the real need is for character and integrity. One reviewer made reference to the "Dark Night of the Soul" when commenting on "The Dark Knight." It is true that the darkest hour is just before dawn.

Tomorrow is the start of a brand new day. Tomorrow is another chance to find my way.

Tomorrow I can do or decide or be. Tomorrow is potential and possibility.

Hey now I can do this I can really be free. Something new is coming you just watch and see.

In a few more hours there’s a hope light gleaming. When I sleep and wake I’ll find I’ve just been dreaming.

Tomorrow’s not a Monday or a Friday or even, a day of resurrection like the Sunday of believin’.

In my desperation I have found the sun. Faith and hope and breakthrough after all is said and done.

Spirit gave the answer and Love has shown the way. In the final wakeup there’s a brand new day.

Why Do I Feel this Way?

2008-06-22T22:27:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I underestimated the challenges of being a "stay-at-home Mom." I thought I grasped intellectually the difficulties of interacting only with small children, creating a hunger and desire for adult conversation. The constant questions and requests of a 3 year old and 6 year old, with an occasional comment or observation from a 12 year old, - this is not the conversational fare I have become accustomed to!

Let me 'splain. No, there's no time to 'splain, let me summup: My wife and teenage daughters are gone for 11 days to the East Coast. I am very happy for them, but I miss them! I call it "holding down the fort," but sometimes it feels like I'm "holding up the walls!"

Even after attending a wedding and reception yesterday and church this morning, I still felt something missing, I needed to be drawn out of my immediate circumstances and look at the deeper significance of life and existence.

This evening I had a very nice time when we just showed up at the house of some friends who have six kids. It was 6 p.m. and as I thought of the two plus hours till bedtime I wasn't sure what we would do there at home. As soon as I suggested visiting friends the boys were out to the car. I soon joined them and we drove off not really knowing where we were headed.

Our friends were just returning from the city pool and welcomed us for dinner. we have often had them over on Sunday evenings so it's not quite as strange as it sounds. I had visited their Sunday School class this morning so we had some interesting questions all ready to be discussed. After considering Peter's declaration that "God has given us everything we need for life & godliness," I asked, "What if the promises in Scripture don't seem to be working for me?" I prefaced this with "This is the kind of question that no one asks out loud in church."

We also wondered together, "shouldn't people respond with a little more emotion when someone who is dying of cancer shares a prayer request about a fast-growing tumor?" And "what does it mean that we are in a spiritual battle? How does it feel to be a warrior? - tired, wounded, dazed and confused at times?"

I left feeling encouraged: Someone knows what I'm going through. I believe the feeling was mutual. The kids had a great time and since it was time for bed they went more willingly, maybe a bit more ready for sleep. I was also reminded that what we are involved with - raising children in a godly home - is an important and valuable work worth the effort.

And it just might be that one reason I don't always feel affirmed in my efforts, is that the Enemy would like to distract me into believing that other things are more important - things that may not be getting done while I hold my young son and read him a bedtime story.

I appreciate very much the work that my wife is involved with on a daily basis. And the way my daughters pitch in to lighten the load. But I especially value the sustaining vision that what we do here each day matters, for this life and the next.

Thoughts on Starting the Day

2008-05-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

Waking up is an adventure.

Sometimes it feels like jumping out of an airplane.

I’m not ready. I don’t have my parachute on. I don’t think it’s even packed yet.

My thoughts begin racing before my body is getting out of bed.

What do I need to do today? When do I really need to get started?

Another part of me says: It’s nice and warm here under the covers.

I could just stay here and pray awhile: Dear Lord, help me as I start this day!

You’re going to need to get out of bed.

What’s that? I think I’ll just lay here and pray a little longer.

Okay, strap on that chute, open the hatch.

Man, it’s windy out there! Kinda cold too.

I’m jumping, I’m falling, where’s the ripcord?

I knew there’d be days like this. I just never thought there’d be so many.

All in a row. One after another.

How far will True Love Go?

2008-04-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I drove my wife Susi across the mountains to the Seattle airport. She spent about twenty hours traveling and is now visiting our daughter in Seoul, So. Korea!
I have been a bit anxious for her and for myself, wondering how she will handle this great "adventure" and also concerned for myself "holding down the fort."
I must say that this is yet another way God is developing my faith and confidence in Him.
As we enjoyed a final embrace and several "last kisses" along the line to her security checkpoint, I enjoyed the assurance that what we have in our relationship cannot be diminished by the miles between us or unsettled by the events of the coming week. When she reached the point beyond which I could not follow I entrusted her to the loving care of the God we serve. I believe she had to do the same with me and the children left at home.
How like our Good Shepherd to leave the Ninety nine (actually there are only eight of us) and to seek out the one lost sheep (of course Amanda is not really lost, we just miss her and she misses us) halfway around the world. Amanda has commented that Love is inconvenient, and I believe that sometimes the distance we will goes speaks volumes about the depth of our love.
Her senior year we drove to a piano recital in Salem, OR (almost five hours away). When she first invited us, I must admit I thought "That's crazy!" And I'm not sure how serious she was about having us come. (Though she did say that we hadn't missed one of her recitals yet and that we shouldn't start now.) But Susi's "mother-love" saw no distance at all. Only an opportunity to affirm her daughter's accomplishments (an original composition).
Looking back, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. We had a wonderful time, some friends joined us there and then we all went out to dinner.
And now that she's in Seoul, the distance to Salem seems like a drive around the block. I haven't heard yet how Susi did on the long flight, but knowing the Mom she is and how she has "borne" other difficulties, I'm sure all was overshadowed by the joy of the Mother-Daughter reunion!
Amanda is halfway through her one year commitment to teach English to elementary students. I know that this visit from Mom will leave a huge mark on her time there and that she will enjoy sharing her experience and what she has learned. I hope also that she will be greatly encouraged by her parents' love for her.

Crossing the Border and Living on the Edge

2008-03-26T00:45:00.000-07:00

Last night we got back from Mexico and a few extra days in CAli. It's tempting in a journal or letter or even my diary to report the mundane facts and details - this temptation pervades our lives as we look out each day through eyes that either focus on the material world of appearances or perceive with the eyes of faith the inner life.
I can't say I always fix my eyes on the Reality behind appearances . . . but lately Susi and I have been reminding each other: "It's not about the __________ (fill in the blank with whatever distracting circumstance presents itself in the natural.)
Fran (Schaeffer) says that Christians are living in two worlds and serve as signs in the natural to point to the supernatural. I wanna do that. I'd like to get beyond reporting facts:
26 people in 5 vans traveled 2500 miles round trip to build a 22' x 22' house for a family of 6 who live on $70 a week.
We slept in five churches on the way down and back and camped in 8 tents near Rosarito Beach while commuting about 10 miles each way to our worksite each day.
We spent about $15,000 - most of which was donated to us.
More significantly - there were middle schoolers, middle aged, high school and college, all working together to share gifts, abilities, talents and energy.
But what was really BUILT - not just a house (Psalm 127:1)
We built relationships, we built character, we built trust and faith.
What did I "see" & how did I feel about this trip?
Servants of Christ and Warriors of the Cross laid down parts of their lives, faced their fears, made friends and comrades out of strangers and thrived and were successful as they sojourned in a land not their own.
I was nervous about leading and being responsible for so many people. God led us and proved that He is quite capable of taking all the responsibility from off my shoulders. A woman (Maria Antoinette Rojo Rodriguez) who probably doesn't have enough to buy groceries for her own children fed hot lunch to 26 people 3 days in a row.
Truth was encountered, Lives were changed, God was there.
Some things just can't be the same now. We may have come back, but in some ways there is no going back, only moving ahead.
Down south there is a different climate, a different culture, a different pace. I try to bring a little bit back with me.
Peace,
Matt

It's a Little Bit Funny . . .

2008-02-26T00:06:00.000-08:00

I've been giving some thought to my upcoming Mexico trip. Wait - that's not really true. Or that's not exactly right. I've given a LOT of thought about this trip.
I was wondering what it will be like when we stay at the church in San Diego - all 25 of us.
And it's going to be Saturday eve. so of course we need to be all packed up and out of there by a certain time the next morning - before folks begin to arrive for Sunday school and church services.
I was wondering why this had me a little nervous. Then I remembered a funny story - that wasn't too funny at the time.
We were traveling with our family - eight of us at the time - one summer. And we were "camping out" in churches at the time. Because missionaries with large families driving from Washington State to Washington D.C. for a Conservative Baptist Annual Conference can't afford 3-4 motel rooms each night.
We were in Wyoming on a Saturday night and made sure to find out what time we needed to be out the next morning. The pastor or deacon who let us in said that by 8:30 someone would probably be coming in to fix coffee and that Sunday school started at 9:00.
Ben and Carrie and Katie got up early the next morning and I let Susi and the older kids sleep a bit longer while at 7 a.m. I took the younger ones down to the kitchen to feed them breakfast. There we were eating our cereal at about 7:30 (Pacific Time) when a couple arrived to get the coffee brewing!
I guess they could tell I was a bit puzzled and kept checking my watch. I finally realized that we had crossed a time zone the day before and I had neglected to make the adjustment.
I quickly got Amanda up to help me with the 3 who were finishing eating. I awoke Susi (in the sanctuary) with the bad news that she had less than half an hour to be dressed and "presentable." And I got Kaleb & Nate to help me start throwing sleeping bags, pillows and luggage into our Vanagon and tent trailer.
I was scheduled to speak to the Adult Sunday School class about our campus ministry, so shortly after 9 a.m. (Mountain Time), I was gathered with a group around the same table where I was eating breakfast with the kids half an hour before. It all worked out. We were even able to laugh about our mistake.
No need to worry though. We don't cross any time zones between here and San Diego. So when do we go on Daylight Savings Time?

Seize the Day

2008-02-19T13:28:00.000-08:00

Now there's an idea whose time has come! Carpe' Deum as the Latinos would say (or was it the Romans?) I'd love to seize the day, live in the moment, take the bull by the horns and go for the gusto. So what's holding me back? What am I afraid of?

Some days it seems more appropriate to ask "what am I not afraid of?"
I'd love to be here right now, savoring the moment, living life to the full . . .
but - you know I really should be going. There must be somewhere else I need to be - perhaps even two places at the same time.

Has the pace of life really increased? I heard a statistic about young adults: that they experience an average of 10.5 hours of media (radio, TV, movies, phone conversations, websites) in only 8 hours of Real Time. Now that's multi-tasking. But I'm not sure it's healthy. In fact I'm quite convinced that it's not.

"Don't forget to take time to stop and smell the roses." I've always heard.
Can't remember the last time I walked by a bed of roses. Maybe I was moving too fast.
I do recall taking walks with small children. That'll slow you down. Probably help you live longer too. They don't just stop to smell the roses, they stop to taste things! And another thing you learn from kids; the shortest distance between two points may be a straight line - but that's NO WAY to take a walk.

The pace is enough to kill you. But is there another destination besides the grave?
Stephen Covey asks the question "The Clock or the Compass?" to remind us that speed and efficiency are worthless if we have no direction.
I have to constantly remind myself of things that will last: personal character, relationships with people, but most of all, KNOWING GOD!
This restores my focus on both direction and destination. I like to say, "The end is the end." Profound huh? For those more theologically and philosophically inclined, "Eschatology is Teleology." Our destination should determine our values, purpose and direction.

I have had a hard time finding the sun this winter. You can take that literally (after all, it's Ellensburg) or metaphorically. This may affect my sundial, but not my compass.
Anyway, feeling a bit "under the weather" emotionally (let him who has ears, hear) - my wife suggested maybe I should read Jeremiah. I did, and it got me even more depressed.

However, there are some real gems tucked away in there. For example, in ch. 9:23-24 it warns us not to boast in wisdom or strength or riches, but in understanding and knowing the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth. That's an awesome truth to re-focus on.

Then in ch. 22:15-16 he refers to a king who did what was right and just. He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. The question is asked: "Is that not what it means to know me? declares the Lord." As I gear up for another Spring Break trip to Mexico to build a house for a family in need, it is good to know that helping the poor is an important part of what it means to know the Lord.

A couple of authors have encouraged "wasting time with God" because the best context for knowing Him is to spend time alone in His presence. Funny thing. The only time we can really do that is NOW. Now is the "when" for meeting with God.

Sure we have memories of what God has done in the past. We are encouraged to remember those and think about God. And we must keep hope alive for all the promises He will fulfill in the future. But the promise of His presence is strictly in the present. "Lo, I Am with you always!"

So seize this day. Live in the NOW. Be yourself with integrity and be with your friends and family fully. But most of all, be in His presence and enjoy KNOWING Him.

Life is Hard

2008-02-11T18:56:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've answered my own question. That doesn't mean that it's always hard. But if we left out this important observation about life, we might develop some really unrealistic expectations. Then things really would get difficult.
As M. Scott Peck observed, "Life is difficult. But as soon as we admit that life is difficult, it becomes a little easier."

Is Life Hard, or Easy?

2008-02-05T23:32:00.000-08:00

I've given this question a lot of thought. It's been difficult to consider.
Though actually the answer is quite simple, even if you have to discover it for yourself.
I'm sure you realize it's both. If not then perhaps you haven't lived long.
The problem is that when we try to make lives easy or just "take it easy" we can end up creating hardships. You know - pay me now or pay me later - delayed gratification resulting in rewards - or procrastination & irresponsibility leading to lost opportunities and privileges.
How do I know about this stuff? Do I sound old or what?
I guess it's kinda like "losing your life to find it." That is, when choosing the hard way now makes for an easier future.
But what about "Come to me if you're heavy-laden and I will give you rest?" That sounds like trading hard for easy. You mean to tell me that just because I believe in Grace and forgiveness I don't have to feel guilty or take responsibility for all the outcomes of my choices?
My wife and I were discussing the anxiety I've been feeling lately and I explained,
"I'm working on letting go of it (the worrying and stress)"
She couldn't help but laugh. How can you "work on" letting go?
Yet Hebrews tells us to "make every effort to enter the rest." (4:10-11)
When you finally admit that you can't do it all and you're not in control - life gets easier.
So what makes life so hard? Trying to get it right, be good, be perfect, in your own strength.
Expectations - of yourself and others, Judging - others and having that same judgment fall back on your own head.
Concerns - worries really - about the future which isn't here yet - or regrets about the past that you can't go back and change.
I know I try really hard (read "am obsessed with") not repeating my past mistakes - I really want to learn from them and avoid the pain next time.
But let's face it; even though there are a plethora of "legitimate difficulties" in life (finances, illnesses, relationships, etc.) still our individual suffering is largely a result of the gap between what we were expecting and what we got.
It's not in the Beattitudes but maybe somewhere it should be written:
"Blessed are they that don't expect too much out of life (or take themselves too seriously) for they shall not be too terribly disappointed!"
Yes, Life is hard, but as Scott Peck has observed: "As soon as we realize that life is difficult, we find that it becomes a bit less difficult."
Pleasure and pain, effort and rest, achievement and failure, seem to eventually come into balance. The challenge is to keep our perspective, when life is easy, or when it's hard.
I admit it's easy to let life become hard. And it can be hard to take life easy.
But I'm attempting to move towards acceptance of all that comes from God's hand. After all, He is in control and I'm not. Life is a gift. Give thanks in all circumstances. This is our choice and this is "man's final, ultimate, freedom." (Viktor Frankl)

Tread lightly the path to a beating heart

2008-01-29T16:59:00.000-08:00

I have been a missionary for twenty two years. This is who I am, this is what I do. I did not cross the ocean or even an international border. But I am trying to reach another culture. It is a culture that is aptly described as “post-Christian.” My mission field is the American University campus.

I talk with students and they have questions. We dialogue. My writing comes from these experiences. People say I have interesting conversations.

I’ve seen some changes on campus over the years. I have some stories. When I first graduated seminary and entered “the ministry” I was anxious to share what I had learned. Early on, I discovered that students weren’t always interested in the answers I had to offer. I found it was best to listen for awhile to identify the questions they were asking. I noticed that people like to be listened to. I also noticed that the questions changed as the relationships deepened. It seems that people don’t ask their “deep and real” questions until they have tested you with something a bit more shallow and superficial.

In an attempt to “engage” the campus with our message, we invite students to a meeting in their dorm lounge. It’s called “Stump the Preacher.” Basically they can ask any question they want. At one of these events, the turnout was mostly students who were involved in campus ministries and came to show their support. But there was one young man who came with some questions.

“I have a procedural question.” was his first inquiry, “Are we supposed to ask our ‘real’ questions, or are we just trying to ‘stump the preacher’?”

“We’d love to hear your ‘real’ questions.” I answered.

“Oh, I don’t have any real questions.” He returned, “I just came to try and stump the preacher.”

“Well that’s fine too.” I back-pedaled, “Either way we’d love to hear from you.”

His first couple questions were the usual “how can a good God send people to hell?” and “What about the heathen in Africa who have never heard of Christianity?”

Then, as it turned out, he actually did have a real question after all.

“My uncle died of AIDS. Did he go to hell?”

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. One must step lightly on the fragile path to the heart’s deepest queries. It is humbling to be entrusted with such vulnerability. I prayed for the right words.

“I’m sorry to hear that. I didn’t know your uncle, but I can tell you what the Bible says about hell and God’s provision for people not to go there. Then you can decide based on what you know about your uncle whether he had a relationship with God or not.”

I don’t think it was a brilliant answer to satisfy his intellectual yearnings, but I do believe he felt listened to and cared for. Call it lowering my expectations or just realizing my limitations, but I am no longer out to change someone’s mind or even to convert them. If I can make them feel listened to and cared for perhaps this is a step towards believing that God also hears their cries and loves them.

I’ve often wondered, “Why me?” We can ask this question as a complaint about our sufferings or in wonderment at the opportunities afforded us during this earthly existence. And the two are not mutually exclusive. The vicarious suffering of Christ reassures me that if I am to become like him I too will become “like my brothers in every way.”

I’m afraid that when we’re introduced to Jesus as the answer, we may simply stop asking questions. At least we’re expected not to have the kind of questions that the unbelieving world raises. Perhaps by entering into the mental and emotional uncertainty of doubts we can stand again in the place where grace is offered. Then we will be better equipped to help others find this place.

Henri Nouwen offers this definition of a minister: “Someone who makes his own struggle to know God available to others, who want to know God but do not know how.” That’s what I want to do.

I’ve grown up with the Bible and with the view of it as an “Instruction Manual for Life.” I don’t disagree with this but I’ve noticed it’s not primarily a “how to” book. It’s a lot of narrative and even the most instructive passages say a lot more about what kind of person to be than what kind of stuff to do.

So I would like to offer my struggle to know God, and my attempt to help others come to know God, in the form of my stories. It’s safer that way. And though it’s not “seven easy steps” it may shed some light on the path. In the words of C.S. Lewis, “even a bad shot may give a rough indication of where the target lies.” Or as A.W. Tozer said, “ if my fire is not large it is yet real, and there may be those who can light their candle at its flame.”

Graceland- I Wanna Go There!

2008-01-17T23:39:00.000-08:00

No more keepin score and keepin track
of who's worthy and who's deservin and why folks oughta treat me a certain way
I just wanna be free from all that strivin to live upta everyone's expectations so
I can feel good about myself
Nothin to prove and nothin to lose
That sounds like freedom to me - I wanna go there
Why don't people really want grace?
Can't stand thinkin that those that's rightly beneath me
gonna get sumthin fer nuthin
They didn't earn it - haven't worked half as hard as I have
tryin to be a decent person, tryin to do good, be responsible
All those mistakes of others - forgiven and forgotten?
And all my best efforts don't count fer nuthin?
That's too scary - too much of a risk
sides all that, what would I have if not all these old filthy rags?
it ain't much but it's all I got and it's surely at least my own
Kinda like a man on the trapeze - I gots ta let go afore I can rightly take hold
I gotta turn loose of this identity - who I think I am
WhO I really want others to see when I put forth my image
So's they can All help affirm and reinforce how I'd like to see myself
Yeah i think it's too risky - like jumpin offa cliff or somethin
Who's there to catch me but God Hisself - and I reckon He's too busy
or just don't care all that much - even though he said he sent
Jesus to end this whole mess - us judgin one another and bein judged ourselves
and mostly just not bein free - cuz we always gotta toe the line
and make sure we done good and look good too in order to feel okay
What would hap[pen anyhow if folks really got aholda this Grace:
You don't deserve it and nuthin you can do to earn it
Just gotta come to the end of yourself
Jump off that cliff - He'll catch you
Well even if he don't - what else you gonna do?
There ain't no where else to turn and noplace to go
So let go of the bar of that old man - all propped up by human efforts
but just about as fragile a house of cards as was ever built
Take hold of the hope - Christ in You - that's glory
Put him on - it's a stretch - no a leap - into the dark?
You may crash to peices on the rocks below
but that's better than standin here - You will be free
If the Son sets you free . . . and that's the Truth
not a powerful illusion - delusion of your own making - of my making
Culture has made us, society makes us - self-made men and women
but what are we after all - compared to what we might be, what could be?
I can fly! It's not just happy thoughts or magic fairy dust or wishful thinking
I was made to soar on Eagle's Wings - free from the limits of my own efforts
borne on the wind and carried along - Grace is free and it frees us
But do we want it? Can we leave behind the safety of all we're holding
onto? Leave the cliff and leap into the arms of the A;mighty?
I hope I have the guts to let go and take hold and free fall
even if I crash and burn
Rack, Shack & Benny said "even if our God does not save us from the fiery furnace - we will not bow down" and Job says "Though He slay me, yet will I praise Him." Amen

Making Contact

2008-01-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

What is it? The attitude, the ambiance, the milieu? It is a feeling, yes, but something more. Let’s go back, we need to go back, in order to move ahead, we must go back.
This may be difficult, or painful, but bear with me. First and foremost, you must feel this, get in touch with it, know it like the edge of a knife against your soul. This is not esoteric knowledge, this is not rocket science. But once you have been here, to this place, you will not forget. And this insight will guard you. This understanding will make you aware, you can be sure; it’s something you don’t want to ignore.

Where was I? Going back, oh yes, back to the time when as children we could really communicate. Why did we stop? What happened to come between us? We learned more words, we gained more skill. But something was lost, we forgot to feel as we think and think as we feel. Fragmentation began to occur, and as we came apart at the seams our inner man was ripped apart, torn asunder by countervailing forces and undone, yes, undone!

Where was I? Oh yes. I was out there. That’s where you need to go. Putting yourself out there is the best way to come to these insights, perhaps the only way – but what do I know? I will attempt to show you – to uncover the secrets which should be no secret at all, things we once knew. Like children we must become; the children we once were.

How do I know these things? I am not so smart. What do I mean; I was “out there?” If you want to catch fish, you have to either go out in a boat, or find a body of water and get yourself down to “the edge.” I will not tell you where you have been, or why you have caught no fish. I am not so smart. But you can figure this out for yourself.

When I was a boy I would make friends with other boys. How would I do this? I would say, “Will you be my friend?” and if he said “Yes,” I had a new friend. But now it is not so easy. But at least you can ask yourself, “Do I want to be someone’s friend? This is a start.

As kids we shared so much in common with other kids. At the park, on the playground, we shared space, we were in the same place, and that was something. Being where you are is the first step toward being with someone. And if you can be with someone, you can avoid talking at them or just to them. You can have a real dialogue; you can enjoy the give and take of a two way conversation.

One way that I was “out there” was in being rather conspicuously placed, in a public place, the student center. And I was behind a table, draped with a banner, which labeled me, much like the sign kids will wear on their backs, if they do not know it is there, the signs which say, “kick me.”

“I usually don’t talk to people like you,” he said.
“Oh really,” I asked,”What kid of person am I?”
“Well, you’re religious, aren’t you?”
“That depends what you mean by ‘religious.’”
“Well, you’re probably a Christian.”
“Yes, I am, so why wouldn’t you talk to me?
“I usually get mad and yell and then just walk away.”

I ended up talking to him for almost forty minutes. Why is this? What makes me want to do this anyway? I feel called. It’s a challenge. It’s my job. But besides that. Why should I want to talk to people who don’t want to talk to me?

Like any good salesman, I believe there is something they need, and I can help them get it. But students, like people in general, don’t like salesmen and aren’t really convinced they need what I have to offer.

So I try to find out what it is they think they need, or why they think that Christianity has nothing to offer. Sometimes I think it’s all about asking good questions. But I can’t just ask questions of other people. First I need to ask myself some hard questions. Do I really want to know why they think Christianity has nothing to offer? Am I ready to sit here and listen while they tell me that the thing I have staked my life on is a joke and a hoax and that we are all a bunch of hypocrites?

Oh, but it’s so much fun. I really mean this. You do not understand but I am laughing inside. Just like the laughter that welled up inside me when my wife suggested this topic. She wasn’t sure that she communicated very well. But I knew exactly what she meant.

“You should write about how to answer people’s questions without getting defensive.”
“Oh, you mean, ‘the secret of being nice to people who think you’re an idiot?’”
“Or maybe, ‘How to turn the other cheek, figuratively speaking, when someone spits in your face?’ Is that a mixed metaphor?”
“You know, you somehow make them feel comfortable. So they can share their views without being afraid they’re going to be attacked.”
“So the topic is, ‘How not to attack when you’re being attacked.’ I’m afraid I may not be able to put the answer to this in Six Easy Steps.”

This brings to mind more hard questions:
Can I be nice to my wife when I feel like an idiot?
Am I sure that I’m really not an idiot?
Are Christians just a bunch of hypocrites?
What about those days when I’m not sure that Christianity is working for me personally?
Am I a shining example of all the great benefits Christianity has to offer?

So why am I laughing you say. This is really not funny. No it is not. But I am funny. I am a joke. I am God’s idea of a joke. I have this treasure in jars of clay. I am a jester in the court of the King of Kings. If they don’t get the joke, it’s not my fault. If they don’t get the truth, it’s not up to me. But if I take myself too seriously, they may miss the point. A student once defined “dogmatic” as “the inability to laugh at yourself.” That is, not being able to see what is funny about your own beliefs.

Paul said that his presentation of the gospel did not rest on man’s wisdom, but on God’s power. Sure, I want to be clever, I try to be well-read. I think I am articulate and well-read. I don’t want people to think of me as an uneducated country bumpkin. I wouldn’t want them to think of the Christian world-view as anti-intellectual.

But what I preach is the “foolishness of the gospel. What I preach makes me very vulnerable. It sets me up against the spiritual forces of this dark world. I am a kid wearing a sign that says, “kick me.” Except that no one put this sign on my back while I wasn’t looking. No, I wear it on the front. I put a banner on my table that identifies me as an Ambassador of the Kingdom of God. The prince of darkness does not like that.

I said it’s all about asking the right questions. Once you have asked yourself, “What am I afraid of?” and faced these fears, you can start to have fun. But you need to listen. You can learn a lot if you listen. Socrates drew people out with two questions:

“What do you mean?”
“How do you know that?”

I am not so smart. I have this treasure in a jar of clay. But it is a treasure. Others may be smarter, or not. But they have no treasure. They will attempt to conceal this fact. They do not want to be found out. Don’t be too hard on them. They may not be aware of it themselves.

Using Socrates’ questions you can help them examine things. (. . . because the unexamined life is not worth living.) Everyone’s real treasure is where their heart is and what they are living their life for. If you can make people feel comfortable, you can get them to bring out their “treasure” and show it to you. You may even help them realize that it is not valuable, that it is really no treasure at all.

“I’m a non-practicing atheist.”
“What exactly does that mean?”
“I don’t believe in God, but I still talk to Him once in awhile.”

This is funny. But how funny is it if those who claim to believe in God and know Him personally forget to talk to Him?

“Does you group believe the fundamental doctrines?
“Like what?”
“For example, I believe the entire Bible is true.”
“Have you read the entire Bible?”
“No.”

Is that funny? Did I know what he was trying to find out? I think so. Do I want him to think about what he’s saying and how it’s coming across? Absolutely!

One day I came into the Student Center and saw a table where a young lady was passionately seeking signatures for a petition in protest of President Bush’s cutting Federal aid for “Reproductive Rights Development” in Africa. So I asked a few questions:

“What kind of things was the money being spent for?”
“Programs to educate women about birth control options.”
“You mean like condoms and abortion?”
“Yes.”
“So what is happening now that we have withdrawn funding?”
“Well the poor people won’t have these options available so they’ll keep on having children and the poverty will get worse.”

After she explained more about why these programs were so important and what she thought would be accomplished through them I finally responded:

“I see, since their culture is so ignorant about these things, we need to teach them our views on reproduction, because our ways are so much better.”

She looked very puzzled. This went against everything she had been taught about “anti-ethnocentrism” and how you shouldn’t go trying to change another country’s culture.

“No,” she said slowly, “that isn’t it.”

This was her “treasure” – a cause worth fighting for, something to be passionate about. But she really hadn’t thought it through.

There are people “out there” who have needs. Most everyone needs a friend. Someone to share a moment, share a sense of place, someone to be with them. Life on the edge is exciting, but there’s always someone trying to scare you, trying to push you off or pull you back or make you think you shouldn’t be “out there.” Many times they are well-meaning Christians who are trying to find vindication through proving to everyone else that we are right.

“The truth shall set you free.” “Perfect Love casts out all fear.”

The truth is that it’s not about the jar, it’s about the treasure in the jar. This is very freeing and helps keep me from being defensive. It also sets me free to laugh at myself. That way I don’t mind so much if others are laughing at me.

And if I ask for love for the people I’m trying to reach, I can face my fears, even embrace my doubts. What if I’m an idiot, Christianity has nothing to offer, and we are all a bunch of hypocrites? I’ll take my chances, but I’m not afraid to entertain the questions.

Do you feel it? Like a kid again I am running out into the dark, exploring the unknown and looking to make a few friends. Think as you feel and feel as you think. Let yourself go back and “be there” then share that space with someone else.

Get in touch with the treasure God has placed within yourself, know it like the edge of a knife against your soul. Once you have been here, to this place, you will not forget. You can be sure, you can be passionate, you can know that this thing you have found in Christ is what they need. Then, and only then, can you help them find it.

The Illusion of Safety

2007-09-23T22:19:00.001-07:00

The Illusion of Safety

I’ve heard it said that one of people’s greatest fears is public speaking. I can’t relate to this. Sure, I have fears. But getting up in front of people is not one of them. Perhaps I am more afraid that people will ignore me or think me insignificant.

I remember Sunday evenings at church with my friend Sheldon. First Baptist of Cupertino was just a mile from my house, and we were there every time the doors were opened. Sheldon’s Dad was our Music Minister, so he was pretty much there all the time too. It was a small enough church on Sunday morning, but when we came back that night it was just me and Sheldon in our age group, and the teacher’s daughter.

There was some confusion here that deserves comment. You see it wasn’t really the teacher’s daughter but a little red-haired girl she brought from her neighborhood. This might not seem like a big mistake on my part, but it did cause me a significant degree of “cognitive dissonance.” I didn’t think the red-haired girl was very cute. But I was nice to her anyway because I believed she would grow up to be pretty, like her mother, or like the woman I thought was her mother. But that really doesn’t come much into my story.

They say you can tell how much the congregation likes the pastor by the attendance on Sunday morning. And that you can tell how much they like each other by the attendance on Sunday evening. But if you want to know how God rates with these people, come back for the Wednesday night prayer meeting!

So one Sunday evening we decided to “play church.” Sheldon would lead the singing because that’s what his Dad did. I would be the preacher and the little red-haired girl would be our congregation. The teacher typed up bulletins with our names in it and told what number to turn in your hymnal and where to find the passage in the Bible I would be preaching on.

I don’t know what made me think I could preach. I just never doubted that I could. “Wherever two or three were gathered . . .” I just opened my mouth to speak to them and the words came out all right. When I was four I “went forward” in big church and asked Jesus to forgive my sins. When I was five I went forward again; this time to announce to the congregation that God had called me to preach!

I don’t remember what I preached on but I know I enjoyed it. I usually like to talk when anyone will listen. Somehow when I’m talking and they’re listening I feel like I am in control of what people think of me.

Brennan Manning calls him “The Imposter.” He’s the person that you want other people to think you are. When you’re alone with God you know it isn’t the real you, but as long as you can fool others the imposter helps you feel safe about the secret of your true identity. What is this secret and why do we guard it so carefully?

My secret is that who I am is inadequate. I am not as intelligent or charming or competent as I want to be. And if you knew the truth you would reject me.

John Powell in his book, Why am I Afraid to Tell you who I am? explains.
If I present a certain image of myself by wearing a mask, you may reject me, but I can go away and say, “That wasn’t the real me anyway.” But if I show you who I really am, and you reject my honest self-revelation, what do I have left?

Of course the disadvantage of always wearing a mask is that the approval we feel from people who like us “falls only upon the outer man.” It’s a “Catch-22, “ a no-win situation. Only by risking it all in transparency and truth can I hope to experience genuine affirmation of my real self.

But I have found an alternative: a compromise which serves me fairly well. I have the illusion of safety when I can control how I am perceived by a few people who really matter to me. This may be slightly co-dependent and at times manipulative, but it works well for me.

There is an unwritten agreement with my wife, my family, and my close friends that they will tell me only what I want to hear when I am “being myself” with them. If they reflect back to me some flaws or characteristics I find to be disagreeable about myself I reserve the right to “explain myself” or make excuses. This is called “re-framing.”

Now what I’ve discovered about spending time alone with God is that He is not very tolerant of such “back-talk.” (My family & friends aren’t always so cooperative either, but mostly they have just learned to put up with me.) The really frightening thing about being with God is that you can’t wear your mask and you can’t really impress Him and when He speaks to your soul about yourself and who you really are you better listen!

Furthermore, I’ve discovered that He wants me to listen to my wife and my family and my friends especially when they share an observation that doesn’t really fit my picture of myself. I believe God wants me to give up my attempts to manage how I’m being perceived by others so I can begin to learn more about the actual effect I’m having on those around me.

At times this will be disturbing. I have learned that I can be thoughtless, careless, annoying, inconsistent and unloving. But the potential is also there for good. Not because of anything I’ve done but because the life of Christ is in me. As I discover the positive impact of my life when I am not concerned about managing my image I can be greatly encouraged. My words and behavior when I thought that only God was watching have given help and hope to those around me. This helps me with hope also.

"Time" passages

2007-09-23T22:15:00.000-07:00

The carpet is dirty from being walked through to get to the garage. I’m not sure why anyone besides me goes to the garage, but I know all this dirt isn’t just from me.

I have two little friends who visit me “down here” sometimes. One is less than three feet tall! The other is over forty inches and growing. They come down for a drink of water or to see if I have any chocolate. I really need to get some more chocolate. I’ve been out for quite some time now.

I come here to read or to write. There are lots of books so that makes a great environment for reflection and composition. I guess you could say it has ambiance. I’ve never counted my books but I’d say there are about a thousand. People always ask me if I’ve read them all. I wish! Like I have time!

Time – what a concept. It seems to change depending on where you are. If I am in bed and trying to sleep at two in the morning, time moves very slowly. The digital clock is not very helpful. It tells me when it’s 2:12. Then I close my eyes and try to sleep for what seems like an hour. When I open my eyes it’s 2:16!

All this is very hypothetical because in all actuality, I’m a pretty good sleeper. But it might happen to my wife. Apparently she sees quite a bit of that digital clock in the wee hours of the morning. But I can neither confirm nor deny her story, ‘cuz I’m like snorin’ away.

Then there’s “time” in the morning when my little friends wake up at six or six thirty. I tell them I really need to sleep till seven and can they please keep it down and maybe play quietly or something? So then the littlest one, who is not quite three feet tall, asks if he can have a drink or something to eat or can he go downstairs and get a gun or a sword. So I tell him, “Just ten minutes and I’ll get up and help you.” Then about 30 seconds later while I’m trying to doze back off he returns and I see that more than ten minutes has gone by.

But “down here” in the office, with the dirty carpet and all the books and the ambiance conducive to reflection and composition, “Time” proceeds as it should. There must be mechanisms governing the passage of time in different locations and situations; like the intricate workings of a grandfather clock with gears and springs and weights perfectly counterbalanced to hold back forces from moving things along too quickly. Here in my office each second gives me exactly enough time to say “one thousand one.”

Just what is the mechanism causing the sweep second hand “down here” to proceed at such a stately pace, like the father-of-the-bride escorting his daughter to the altar? It just might be that part of the ballast holding back the rush of time in this place is the many journals and planners and notebooks I have filled and saved over the past twenty years or more. I have written and saved plans and notes and lessons and sermons and memories of my life with the expectation that someday there will be “time” to go back over them.

And the books “down here” also offer weight and balance to the ever-forward driving force of life rushing on. From Homer to Plato to Paul to Present the records of other lives lived in other “times” sit on my shelves and hold back the encroaching future from coming too fast, from arriving too soon. Here there is time, and there will be time, to read, reflect, re-create. I am hopeful and expectant that for me there awaits further study and exploration.

So I come here, and I go back, all in good time. Dinnertime and bedtime, followed by breakfast, lunch and naptime. Summertime and Fall followed by Winter and Springtime. The ambiance will be here. The second hand will not rush. The books can wait but my little friends are impatient. Soon the articulate and authoritative little voice will be coming from more than three feet off the ground. His bold companion and mentor will lead him off, gun and sword in hand, to explore exotic lands and conquer far-off kingdoms. They may want me to go along. I hope they do.

No, the dirty carpet is not just from me. But I don’t mind it. It’s part of the ambiance. I’ll vacuum it another day. Right now I’ve got just enough “time” to consider a page from my past, a note to myself, which reminds me that this is not the first time I’ve pondered this predicament.

“I have arrived. Here with my books & my papers and my pictures there are things to be put in order. LAST of all I put my thoughts in order. What a relief! Here I appreciate the Life which, in my house, among my loved ones, I can only LIVE.

“ . . .But when I say . . . ‘only’ Live, I share Socrates’ view that the unexamined life is not worth living. And somewhere CSL has observed that one cannot simultaneously ENJOY & CONTEMPLATE. So I leave, I retire, I rest. I think, I read, I pray, I write – And upon my return discover . . .? WHAT? That time is precious, Life is a gift.

“Of Course Living is more important than writing and Life more important than Literature. But without books we are impoverished and our living is shallow when no time is given to thought & contemplation.” (Journal entry Aug. 11, 2003)

The Back side of Nowhere

2007-09-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

Don't know where the back side of nowhere is but sometime I might like to go there . . .
Rode my bike the other day, just to say i still remember how
haven't found exactly what I'm looking for but I don't give up easily
home with the boys is nice so I don't miss any of their growin up - still do anyway
Home with my wife is special cuz somebody loves me
Daughters love me too - but they have to cuz I'm their Dad, it's still special
Son number one comes home atimes and that's cool too.
Sad to think he was not so long ago one of the little guys -
I know he was and I could tell you a few things about it -
but mostly it's just happened and over and kind of gone now - the past
There's plenty more where that came from - bein waked up by a two year old - almost three
Making breakfast and everyone gettin up and I ain't quite ready - nobody's fault but mine
We had family worship this morning around the table
There they was and there we all was and then before you know it - poof!
They was gone and we was awashin up the dishes and then startin their schoolin
So here I am and it's a great place to be but they's all asleep so I'd best be gettin off to bed myself. That little guy - less than three feet tall - he's right persistent in the mornings:
"Dad, I'm ready to eat something."
"Dad, I need a drink of water."
"Dad, I'm ready to play, can Ben get up and play with me?"
"Dad, I'm finished sleeping. I don't want to lay back down."
"Dad, I'm ready to get dressed."
And if he happens to sleep in (past 7 a.m.) his brother, the tall one, almost forty inches now, is sure to get up and start his day of play adventures, gathering weapons and building castles or searching for dragons. And when he gets lonely in the first few minutes of playing alone he'll want me or Ben or Haddon to join him. Because adventures are always more fun when you can call some companions in on it.
"But there can be no adventure if we despair of reaching our destination." - Stanley Hauerwas
I know I'll get there. I'm sure I'll make it. I've got my friends and family to journey with me. Sooner or later we'll all arrive safely home.

Staying Up

2007-05-02T23:05:00.001-07:00

When the hour is late
When I'm still awake
Though my body's tired
There's a mental buzz

Trying hard to figure out
What the puzzle really means
All is scrutinized
Though nothing is as it appears

Finding time alone
Sitting here with myself
Is for me a sort of salvation
A chance to practice transcendence

Sooner or later fatigue
Catches up with me
Mind marches on
Weary eyes fall behind

Yet I see how impoverished
My soul would be
Had I not found this
Solace and reprieve and rich repast

Nourishing some deeper self
Solitude serves to strike
Chords deep within my heart
Making music-like memories

Sleep and dream beckon
And await - almost as attractive
As this soul-satisfying
Staying up

Sometimes a good quote just sums it up

2007-04-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

I found this in the intro. pages of "The Divine Conspiracy."
It's a quote from Lewis' "Screwtape Letters" - so the perspective is inverted and the insight comes from a demon's analysis and criticism of his Enemy's strategy and methods.

"You must have wondered why the Enemy (God) does not make more use of his power to be sensibly present to human souls in any degree he chooses and at any moment.
But you now see that the irresistable and the indisputable are the two weapons which the very nature of his scheme forbids him to use.
Merely to over-ride a human will (as his felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for him useless.
He cannot ravish. He can only woo. For his ignoble idea is to eat the cake and have it; the creatures are to be one with him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve . . . Sooner or later he withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs-to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish . . .He cannot "tempt" to virtue as we tempt to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away his hand. . . our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
- Uncle Screwtape

In other words:
Why doesn't God show himself plainly? Why doesn't He "prove" himself beyond all doubt? God is "holding back." His Love demands our freedom, and without a choice to believe we would not be free. The autonomy and self determination we were created with and which reflect God's image are attributes which God refuses to over-rule. His purpose is that we develop our individual will, and yet subordinate it to His authority. The greatest test of this, and the surest way to frustrate the devil, is to bend our will to follow him in the absence of any apparent rewards.

In my experience:
Satan tells us that our efforts are futile and that following God is not worth it.
We often believe his lies and begin to think that there is no good reason to obey.
But then we stubbornly continue to walk in faith and obey anyway.
And God is pleased.

Cross references:
Rich Mullins says "You're up there just playing hard to get."
Jacques Ellul says: Verbal truth does not come to us in the same way as visual reality. A propositional truth-claim always asks us to make a judgement; is it true or false, will I accept or reject this assertion? God reveals Himself in verbal truth out of respect for our freedom to choose.
Philip Yancey says: God is holding back. He does this for our own good.

- Matt Lundquist

Too late to stay up, Too early to get up

2007-04-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

It's almost 1 a.m. and I'm not quite ready to sleep. As much as I love sleep, I must admit it is a bit overrated. Rest, repose, restoration, relaxation and recreation even, but sleep? It's sooooo passive. Almost like it's not really something you do, but something that happens to you. Or perhaps it's something you don't do.
Like when people ask, "Are you growing a beard?"
"No, I'm just not shaving."

"Are you sleeping?"
"No, I'm just not awake."

Why are there different modes of awakeness? Is consciousness always aware? What if there's less to be aware of? (Like at 1 a.m. when all is quiet in my house.)
Funny thing - I feel more aware when there's less going on.

I remember meeting this guy who had ridden a horse coast to coast, from Lincoln City to Atlantic City. He said that it tool a few days before his mind stopped running through all kinds of thoughts, tumbling its contents around. He said somewhere out in Wyoming he began to be completely in the now, in the moment. All he was aware of at that time was the rhythm of the horse, the heat rising off the road, an occasional lizard crossing his path.

That spoke to me. I wanted to be like that. Rich Mullins says that living "in time" means that we cannot see what's ahead and cannot get free from what we've left behind. I just want to be, to live as a human being, not a human "doing."

Campolo refers to "Now" as the non-existent point (a point has no duration) which separates the past from the future. Yet now is the only part of time we have direct experience of. The past is a memory, the future is a vision, we have only the "eternal now." Eternal because it offers us a window into timelessness. We share a moment, perhaps an "I-Thou" moment, and it doesn't matter how long or short. There is a connection in the now and in our conscious experience. It didn't "happen" in time and yet no one can take it away from us and nothing is more certain than our apprehension of another being and what we have shared.

In sleep we are not aware of the passage of time. But this is no excape. To be aware yet not "in time" is an acquired skill. We can waste time, spend time, lose time and find time, but can we set it aside, knowing it will be there? To rest, to restore, to relax and re-create involve taking time, perhaps even making time, just for being.

Here I am, ready to sleep, staying awake.
Body at rest, mind still up, searching cerebral space.
Ideas find places, feelings find words.
Pace slowly slackens, pulse remains regular.
Breath falls and rises, eyes calmly close.
Last thing to stop moving through mental landscapes . . .
is a vehicle called thought.
Until tomorrow.

Support Group for Recovering Fundamentalists

2007-03-31T10:59:00.001-07:00

"Hi, my name is ________ and I was damaged by early attempts at religious instruction."

This is not a direct quote, but at points during our discussion on Friday afternoon I might have thought I was at a "Support Group for Students who have Rejected Religion." The comments were in response to this question:
"What is one opinion about God or Religion you had formed by age 12?"

"My first question about God was raised by mention of him in a comic book. After I asked my Mom about him I remember my response: 'So there's this man up in the sky who loves me but if I don't obey him he will send me to a dimension of eternal punishment?'" (At this point he is NOT a Christian - but likes to hang out with us.)

"I remember going to church and hearing stuff about God only on Sunday. It didn't mean anything or make any difference to us when we got home. I just figured it was something we did out of social obligation or tradition." (He IS a believer now but doesn't want anything to do with church. I am discipling him and he has a hunger for the Word.)

"It bothered me that there was supposed to be this loving God out there, but there were a lot of bad things happening. I wondered, 'Why isn't He doing anything?'" (A Religious Studies major visiting our group as part of a research project.)

"My father became a Christian when I was five years old. He came home excited and began reading the Bible to us. We went to church and I remember being told that Jesus was my Saviour, but I was missing the 'Man's Response' part of the Gospel Message. So it wasn't until college that I chose Christ and began to have a personal relationship with Him." (A new Christian who is growing in the Lord and wants to develop her skills interacting with the variety of views expressed at "The CAVE.")

One idea that I thought of as I listened was this: "Religious Instruction fails to connect with 'felt needs' by either giving answers to questions people are not asking, or by suppressing their REAL questions."

I shared my own early struggles with Grace and Obedience: "Why should I bother to obey (which involves suffering) when Heaven is guaranteed anyway?" One way I described the resolution was in terms of experiencing God's Love and coming under His authority (Lordship). These are not at odds, rather, His authority is the Way we experience His love through the protection, provision, and separation from sin that we find as we submit.

Each of these people deserves individual, personal and thoughtful responses to their struggles.

p.s. There was a silent participant "lurking in the shadows" at the Cave: the Barista appeared very interested in last Friday's topic!

Panel on Homosexuality & Religion

2007-03-31T10:52:00.000-07:00

I arrived a week ago Thurs. at the New Science Bldg. in the evening.
The organizers greeted me and introduced me to the other panelists.
I had been told that I would have six minutes at the start to explain my position.
What I didn't know is that by the "luck-of-the-draw" I would be going first!

"As a Christian and a Baptist I not only hold to certain views but to a way of arriving at my positions. My epistemology (how we know what we know) is best described as "revelational." This means that, unlike the "Empiricist," I don't rely solely on what can be gathered from observations. And, unlike the "Rationalist," it is not human reason and the categories of the mind that inform my views. Accepting the authority of the Bible means that the God who made the world, has spoken. If this is true then we have access to some truth that is very much worth knowing and yet past our finding out apart from the Sacred Text."

With this opening I prepared the packed house of students and faculty members to hear something very politically incorrect and perhaps even culturally insensitive. And I excused myself from the burden of having to explain or defend my comments in terms that a Rationalist or Empiricist could accept.

"What God has revealed in the Bible is that He wants us to love Him and love others and that He cares very much how we treat one another. Our Creator has seen fit to give us some very definite guidelines on the use of His gift of sexuality. As a powerful expression of intimacy and a means of reproduction He has commanded that it only be enacted in the context of heterosexual monogamy."

There was much discussion during the Q & A time and many opportunities to share more about the relationship with God that demands a different standard of behavior. The christians in the audience gave me good positive feedback and the students and faculty involved in sponsoring the event thanked me and complimented me.

My favorite part was a bit of spontaneous preaching I did in response to a student who asked, "Why are we talking about this?" In other words, why is this such a hot topic? My response had the support of the other panelists, none of whom were in favor of sexual promiscuity.

"The Emperor's New Clothes," I explained, "are the view of 'free sex' that declares that you can make a responsible choice to be sexually active as young as thirteen years old, have any number of partners as you go through High School and College, and suffer no negative consequences as long as you use a condom."
There was a lot more to this, as I stated emphatically that in 20 years of campus ministry I have NEVER seen pre-marital sex do anything but damage and detract from the kind of closeness you want with the person you love. I wonder how many students had never heard that before?

What happens after death?

2007-03-31T10:42:00.000-07:00

I was having pizza late at night with four old friends from High School. We had named a half dozen classmates who had died.
"I have a question," one friend interjected into the five-way chatter.
"Okay, let's hear Bruce's question." I suggested, trying to quiet the others.
"I want to know what Matt thinks about this." Bruce said, directing his question to me.
"So what's the question?" I said, hoping it would be a good one.
"I want to know," he began, "if there's a purpose to all this?"
By now we had the full attention of the other three and they were awaiting my response.
"It would seem that human life is full of purposes, large and small, good and bad, worthy and worthless. We choose our goals and adapt means to ends in trying to reach them. That's what it means to be a rational creature." I continued,
"So why would the Creator of the Universe be any less purposeful about His creation. Of course from our perspective we can't always see or understand His plans and purposes."
I went on to talk about the importance of relationships, and how God wants us to have a relationship with Him.

My time alone with Bob centered on what was coming next for him and also what he would want to happen at his funeral.
"I know that Jesus loves me." he declared confidently.
"What if God asks you why He should let you into heaven?" I asked.
I told him that the only answer would be because of what Christ has done, not our own efforts. He agreed.
The pace of the trip was a bit of a whirlwind, going from one thing to the next. But I saw a lot of people and enjoyed the interaction.